


Your heartbeat next to mine

by Babbling



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Holding Hands, Hugs, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Some pining, many emotions, very simple but also very cute, wowkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23491006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babbling/pseuds/Babbling
Summary: “Words that I can’t speakThings that I always keepSecrets hiding in the ocean deepOnly you I wanted to seek”——————Byeongkwan loves Sehyoon, but finally telling this truth is harder than simply giving in to fear.(English Version of “Dein Herzschlag neben meinem”)
Relationships: Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow
Kudos: 47





	Your heartbeat next to mine

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Dein Herzschlag neben meinem](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23480227) by [Babbling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babbling/pseuds/Babbling). 



> Uhmm...Hiii here is the eng version of my German wowkwan one shot :) I hope it doesn’t sound too weird hahah

Byeongkwan absently tapped his fingers against the glass bottle on his table.Again and again his fingertips hit the cold, smooth material until a steady rhythm arose, which filled the silence and was only interrupted as a hand gently took his.The drumming ceased instantly and Byeongkwan looked up in surprise from the notes he had intended to read, only to end up staring at them blankly instead.

Sehyoon gave him a questioning look.The small wrinkles around his eyes indicated that he was worried, but Byeongkwan remained silent.Sehyoon would ask.He was the kind of person who wanted to make sure their loved ones were fine and Byeongkwan knew he was bad at hiding his feelings. All his thoughts were clearly showing on his face. And still, even though his friend's always called him the most obvious person in the entire world, and Sehyoon always asked, he had never asked that one question and Byeongkwan didn't know if his friend was simply less attentive than he thought or if he tried to give him a silent answer.

"Is everything okay?" There was also concern in his voice, "Recently you have been looking pretty tense and somehow absent."Sehyoon sounded as gentle as his hand around Byeongkwan’s felt and the latter swallowed before slowly nodding.

“Sure ... everything is great. I'm just stressed ... you know, because of the exams and stuff ... ” His gaze wandered away from Sehyoon’s eyes, which seemed to be able to look into his soul, and to the window next to him. It was a beautiful day.The sun shone on the park in front of the library and those who were lucky enough to be able to spend their day outdoors, clearly enjoyed the pleasant warmth on their skin. Byeongkwan watched them with envy. The sun didn't make it to the library and he felt strangely isolated from the rest of the world.

The hand that had held his until a few seconds ago moved to his arm, where it paused briefly before Sehyoon began to caress him carefully. The gesture reminded Byeongkwan of someone trying to calm a frightened animal, and although this tactic always worked, this time it didn’t. Not today. Not when everything in Byeongkwan screamed to turn around and wrap his arms around his best friend, and it took all of his body control to keep still.

The thought almost made him laugh. Why did he worry so much anyway?He could just give in to the urge. After all, it would not be the first time and Sehyoon would accept it and return the hug as he always did. Everything was as usual.

The only thing that had changed was Byeongkwan.Over the past three years, not only had he grown, graduated from high school and started studying, he also had finally accepted his sexuality;Something that had been harder than he liked to admit. Sehyoon had played a large part in that.While he had only been a sort of marginal figure for Byeongkwan at school, this had changed when the two surprisingly met again on the university grounds.

Until then, Sehyoon had always looked like a very calm person to Byeongkwan, but as the community that they formed grew into something like real friendship, he quickly realized just how wrong he had been. Yes, Sehyoon could at first seem silent, withdrawn or even intimidating, but after a short time, he had transformed into a person who seemed to mirror Byeongkwan better than anyone before.And yet, despite everything, Sehyoon had always remained Sehyoon. Maybe that was what had made Byeongkwan fall head over heels in love with him. Or maybe he just hadn't been able to get him out of his head since he saw him at their prom; laughing, dancing, dressed up and still so incredible Sehyoon.

“Byeongkwan? Byeongi? Hey!” Slowly the words of his best friend tore him out of his thoughts. Sehyoon was right; lately he hasd been lost in thoughts a lot and mostly they had circled around the same person...

“I'm fine ..." he murmured, still avoiding his friend's eyes. The latter shook his head, his eyebrows narrowed in worry and confusion.

“No, you're not. I am your best friend. Do you think I don't notice if something is wrong with you?” Byeongkwan felt the strange urge to laugh out loud again.Sehyoon noticed that something was wrong with him?Just like the way he had never asked Byeongkwan about how strange he always acted towards him? Had never asked him why he had woken up while Byeongkwan was brushing his hair out of his face or why he had found the crumpled pieces of paper on which Byeongkwan had been trying to express his feelings for him?He had accepted it every time without asking any questions.Why? Why did he insist on pretending everything was all right?

Byeongkwan would have liked to ask all these questions instead of just thinking them silently, but he couldn't. There was still the fear that held him back while it whispered in his ear that he would lose Sehyoon if he finally confessed his feelings to him. It was precisely this fear that had plagued him for weeks;Has kept Byeongkwan from sleeping, distracted him and made him move around Sehyoon as if he was walking on raw eggs. 

He was sure that their other friends knew exactly what was going on. You could tell by the way they looked at him and gave each other meaningful glances, and still, they never asked him about Sehyoon.Maybe they expected Byeongkwan to deny it, and maybe they were right.

“You see, you're doing it again." This time his hand grabbed his upper arm tighter before Byeongkwan was forced by strong arms to turn around and look into Sehyoon’s worried eyes. “You avoid me, start staring into the distance and don't allow me to help you. We are best friends, Kwanni! I thought you knew you could tell me everything! ”

A student's annoyed hiss made Sehyoon turn his head apologetically towards the learners. His voice had grown louder and louder, something one rarely saw.Sehyoon usually kept his composure.So Beyongkwan's behavior must have bothered him for a long time and a small part of Byeongkwan was happy about this realisation, even if it wasn't something nice people were happy about. Not that Byeongkwan had ever been a showpiece.

Sehyoon turned back to him and the way he looked at him made it clear that this topic was not over for him yet.Nevertheless, Byeongkwan was surprised when Sehyoon suddenly jumped up and pulled him along.

“We studied enough for today.” He announced and gave him a smile that couldn't have been more fake. “What do you think of a round of hanging out with me?" Even though it was formulated as a question, Byeongkwan knew that he had no choice. Sehyoon had finally decided on the path of confrontation and for some reason that made it a lot easier. It would finally be time to tell the truth.

* * *

The way to Sehyoon’s apartment was mostly silent. His friend sometimes tried to start a conversation by making funny remarks or commenting on passer-by, but although these usually cheered Byeongkwan up, that wasn't the case today. He wanted to laugh, really! But it simply didn't work. 

Sehyoon’s looks told him that he felt uncomfortable, maybe even guilty, and Byeongkwan wished he could tell him that it wasn’t his fault. Because it wasn't. The chaos he was in was his own fault and Byeongkwan hated to see Sehyoon suffer because of him.

At the same time, the fear in him was getting worse. With every step they took to get closer to the apartment, his stomach seemed to twist more and when they finally stopped in front of a red door, and Sehyoon looked for the key in his backpack, Byeongkwan felt sick.

He knew that he had to finally tell Sehyoon. Only in this way would he be able to get over his best friend, move on, grow from it and feel better at some point, but getting the words out of his mouth at all, would be a cruel fight between his fear and his reason.Even when he followed Sehyoon into his room and watched him turn on his switch, he still couldn't tell which side would win in the end.In the past, Byeongkwan had given up too often and had remained silent instead.

The hours passed as they switched between games. To Byeongkwan's surprise, the distraction worked better than he had expected, and after the fifth round of Super Smash Bros, he had completely forgotten why he and Sehyoon had left the library at all instead of studying.

"Damn this can't be!" Sehyoon cried out in frustration after losing to Byeongkwan once again, “I now know why I usually never play this game with you." Byeongkwan's answer consisted of sticking out his tongue and then bursting out with malicious laughter. His best friend watched him with an annoyed but loving expression.

"Sure ... just make fun of me ..." This statement only made Byeongkwan laugh even more, so that he couldn't help but hit the floor with the palm of his hand. His excess energy had to go somewhere and he hadn't laughed like this for days.

“It's not my fault that you sprinted from the map voluntarily!” The words struggled to make it over his lips and his heart jumped as a sly grin spread across Sehyoon’s face.

“I said it was accidentally! You had to choose the same character as me and then I looked at yours and suddenly I was dead ... ”

"Tell yourself whatever you want as long as you can sleep better at night then."Byeongkwan slowly calmed down again from his fit of laughter and only after the last chuckle had died, did he realize how close they were to each other and how beautiful Sehyoon looked. The light of the setting sun that was falling through the window made his skin shine and his eyes were full of warmth, which made a blush appear on Byeongkwan’s cheeks.He longed to bend even closer and he longed to feel Sehyoon’s heartbeat next to his own. Suddenly a thought struggled to the surface of his mind which Byeongkwan usually tried to suppress as best as he could: He loved Sehyoon.

The last remnant of his smile instantly vanished from his lips, causing the worry lines on Sehyoon’s forehead to return.

"Byeongkwan ...", his friend started on a question that would be the wrong one again, and Byeongkwan jumped up without even realizing it. He had wanted to tell Sehyoon the truth, but now the fear was back and it seemed to have pushed every reasonable thought out of his head.Flee. That was the only thing he seemed able to do right now.

“I ... I should go ... The exams ..." Byeongkwan stammered a half-hearted excuse and hastily wanted to leave the room. However, he shouldn't get far.Before he had taken three steps, someone suddenly grabbed his hand and forced him to stop.

"Byeongkwan ... Please ..." Sehyoon’s voice sounded sad and pained, as if he couldn’t bear the thought that Byeongkwan would leave him this way, even if they saw each other again at university tomorrow. Byeongkwan froze, his mind circling wildly in his head.Everything in him urged him to flee; to shake off Sehyoon’s hand and maybe apologize for it via WhatsApp later, but the pain in his best friend’s voice stopped him.

"Why do I feel like I'm about to lose you?"The question had been no more than a whisper, but it had the same effect as if Sehyoon had shouted at him. Byeongkwan slowly turned back and stared at his best friend, eyes wide in horror. All the time he had given his all in trying to keep his feelings a secret so that nothing would change and he would not lose Sehyoon. The realization that his behavior had apparently done exactly the opposite hit Byeongkwan like a blow to the stomach and he felt sick. Tears found their way into his eyes and eventually also down his cheeks, and when familiar arms pulled him into a comforting hug, the last dam broke. Loud sobs cut through the silence and only got interrupted whenever Byeongkwan gasped or Sehyoon murmured comforting words.

It felt good to cry and finally let out all the emotions that had pent-up in him.Byeongkwan had to admit that he would have preferred not to do this in front of Sehyoon, but at the same time he didn't know if anyone else could have given him so much comfort.

He had no idea for how long he had spread his snot on Sehyoon’s t-shirt, but after a while there seemed to be no tears left to cry and his sobs died down until there was only a slight hiccup remaining. Sehyoon, too, became silent and just held him in his arms. Byeongkwan knew he was waiting for him to say something; That he might finally explain what was wrong with him, but Byeongkwan stayed silent, his cheek still pressed against his best friend's shoulder.

Here he felt safe and secure and he wanted to keep the feeling a little longer;just a couple of minutes. He pressed his head a little tighter against Sehyoon’s neck, his eyes closed. Like this he could hide from everything else. The other froze briefly before his muscles relaxed again and his hand carefully found its way to his hair, where it started to play with a few strands. Byeongkwan's stomach started to tingle, the butterflies awoke from their brief sleep and he bit his lower lip nervously.

It was time; he finally had to tell him. Carefully, he moved away from Sehyoon, his forehead still not losing contact with his shoulder as he placed a hand on Sehyoon’s chest; right above his heart. It was beating a little faster than usual, but the regular and steady rhythm helped Byeongkwan calm his nerves and gain new courage.

"Yooni ...", he whispered, his voice still rough from crying, “I ... there's something I didn't tell you ..." He felt Sehyoon nod encouragingly.

“Keep talking ..." Byeongkwan wished he would feel as calm and confident as his friend sounded. Instead, his breath grew faster and faster, and he could swear that Sehyoon was able to hear how fast his heart was beating. Still, he had made up his mind and this time he wasn't going to run away again. With fresh determination, he took a deep breath before finally telling the truth:

“I — I like you, Sehyoon ... As more than just a friend."There it was now; the situation Byeongkwan had envisioned in his head thousands of times, whether he was trying to study in college or fall asleep in bed at home. Now his confession was finally out and hung around them like dark smoke.

Sehyoon said nothing. Byeongkwan lost track of time once more and he didn't know how many minutes really passed, but it was the worst silence he had ever experienced. It was as if it was slowly crushing him, and with each breath there seemed to be less oxygen reaching his lungs.

Then he noticed Sehyoon’s heartbeat under the palm of his hand and he hesitated in surprise. The other's heart had been beating fast before, but that was no comparison to the way it was racing now. It reflected Byeongkwan's own heartbeat, which seemed to be overflowing with nervousness. That was the point where Byeongkwan could no longer stand the silence, and, gathering all his courage, finally forced himself to stand back far enough to look Sehyoon in the face. The latter blinked back in surprise, the crease on his forehead indicating that he was apparently confused while his ears shined bright red.This reaction was not the one Byeongkwan had mentally prepared himself for.

"Wait ... you like me?"

"Uhm... seems like it?" Now they both were blinking at each other in confusion.Byeongkwan had expected Sehyoon to be horrified, perhaps annoyed, and a small part of him had hoped that he would even secretly return his feelings, or at least accept them. That Beyongkwan's confession had confused him ... well ... that was kind of confusing.

“But ... the love letters ... I thought you were in love with someone?" It was the first time that Sehyoon mentioned the letters, and it dawned on Byeongkwan that the other hadn’t felt as indifferent about them as he had thought. 

He swallowed hard. It seemed as if Sehyoon needed a second confession to really process everything completely.

“Yes ... And that person is you. Sehyoon ... The letters were for you, you idiot." As a result from his explanation, Sehyoon’s eyes widened a little and Byeongkwan could not help but laugh. The fear and tension had disappeared and instead disbelief and amusement spread through his body. “I described your face and talked about my soulmate and you still didn't get that it was about you?"Sehyoon shrugged. His hands had left Byeongkwan’s hair after his confession and were now lifelessly hanging on him.

“Well ... it could also have been someone else ..." At this Byeongkwan had to laugh again.

"Sure, because I could just hide it from you, if I suddenly found a new, better soulmate."An embarrassed smile bloomed on Sehyoon’s face, while the tip of his nose turned the same red as his ears.

“After all, I also didn't notice that you apparently have been in love with me all this time ..." Byeongkwan had to admit that there was something to this argument.

“Point for you, but anyways ..." He nervously ran a hand through his hair, “Do you think we can still be friends?" His heartbeat quickened as he eagerly waited for Sehyoon's response. The latter frowned.

“Is that what you want?"Byeongkwan snorted, a cheerless smile on his lips.

“Of course that's what I want! My biggest fear was losing you as my best friend. I mean, of course I would find it much better to invite you on a date tomorrow, but you just can't have everything in life, I guess. ”

"Why not?" Sehyoon’s sounded completely serious and Byeongkwan gave him an annoyed look.

“I'm not forcing you to go on a date with me ... Who do you think I am?" He hadn't expected Sehyoon to react to his words by suddenly stepping forward and taking his hands.

“Maybe you don't have to force me ...", he murmured and started absentmindedly playing with Byeongkwan's fingers. The latter stared at him, completely taken aback. This couldn’t actually go where he hoped it was going, right? “Maybe I always secretly hoped you'd ask me on a date one day..." Byeongkwan opened his mouth, but no sound made it out.Sehyoon came even closer very carefully and he saw how he swallowed. Apparently his friend was more nervous than he pretended to be. "Maybe I fell in love with you too," he finally finished his own confession. Byeongkwan couldn't believe his ears.

“Really?"He asked incredulously and Sehyoon nodded. At this Byeongkwan felt a happy laugh bubbling up the inside of his throat before it broke out of him.Byeongkwan simply could not believe that the result of his confession was a declaration of love from Sehyoon, and after this thought had eventually sunk in, he finally gave in to his inner urge and pulled him into a loving hug. The feeling of security returned, stronger than ever, and Byeongkwan felt Sehyoon’s smile tickle his cheek.

“You always make me happy, even if I just had a whole breakdown, you know that?" His friend's smile widened before he pressed a kiss against his temple.

“Now I know it."As before, silence settled over the two, but this time it was a pleasant silence in which Byeongkwan tried to carefully listen for Sehyoon’s heartbeat. He couldn't hear it, but he felt it clearly next to his own; a steady, even rhythm. The butterflies in Byeongkwan's belly also seemed to have calmed down.They still flapped their wings gently, but it was just strong enough to remind him of their presence. The nausea, however, was completely gone.

Then Sehyoon suddenly leaned back a little and gently ran his hands over Byeongkwan's body until they tenderly rested on his cheeks. The butterflies instantly began to buzz through his stomach like bees, but the only thing Byeongkwan could concentrate on was the loving expression with which Sehyoon was looking at him.

“I'm sorry, I didn't figure this out on my own." He apologized, smilingly pressing a finger to Byeongkwan's lips when he tried to argue. “I'm studying art and not medicine. But that's not what it's about now. Instead of focusing all of our attention on the screwed up last couple weeks and months, I'd much rather meet you for coffee tomorrow. Okay, that sounded too complicated.” Sehyoon laughed at himself and Byeongkwan just shook his head, pretending to be annoyed, while the feeling of the finger on his lips was much more present in his mind than it probably should be.

“Whatever... Actually, I just want to finally go on a date with you.So what do you think?" Byeongkwan's eyebrows slowly moved upwards and it took a few squintstowards Sehyoon’s finger for him to take it away with an embarrassed laugh. Byeongkwan’s face immediately began to glow, smiling from ear to ear.

“I thought you would never ask."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading since I was mainly focusing on emotions rather than plot in this fic :) it’s a bit different than my usual stuff 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or kudo uwu💕 or follow me on twitter haha @babbl1ng


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